social anxiety part two

your silence is irritating
i wish you would speak
open your lungs
expand your chest
and just speak
your silence is deafening
your silence is loud
it is awkward
it is apprehensive
you think you shrink into the corner of the room
but your silence only highlights your presence
even your eyes are loud with questions
your fingers twitch with exhaustion and suggestions
but your mouth
it remains still
and your mouth remains quiet
your throat is a graveyard of words
that even you leave flowers for

social anxiety

do you know what it feels like
when your words do not come?
when all you want to do is not be exactly where you are
how sometimes it takes hours or days
just to prepare yourself to speak

there have been times i have felt like retching
my stomach collapses and all i want to do is run away
find darkness
find solitude
away from prying eyes
away from the noise
away from the bodies
how can i live when i keep finding myself in bathroom stalls
trying to regain my composure behind locked doors
when even saying hello requires deep thought and contemplation?