there are days all i do is berate myself
tease my skin with knives
and let people tell me what i cannot do
there are days i will stare at myself in the mirror
and curse and pick at all my flaws
wish i were smarter
wish i were more organised
wish my hair were thicker
my hips wider
my arms thinner
wish i were more motivated
wish i were more like other girls
wish i loved myself
wish i were happier
some days it’s hard to keep my head above water
i find myself struggling with
and hating the way i am
im so tired
of this constant internal war
this morning i woke up
i looked in the mirror
and i saw a sad lonely girl
this beautiful strong woman
who has survived and lived
after every goddanged thought
that she could not make it through another day
your arms were made for lonely girls like me who hate themselves
who hate other women
my mother was cheated on and maybe that’s why i hate men
i crumble into the palms of your hands when my name tumbles from your lips like a silent prayer of thanksgiving
i could never find love in your arms but i am addicted to this punishment
addicted to the taste of sin addicted to this melting feeling in my gut
addicted to this guilt dont i deserve love too?
the flick of your tongue sets my body on fire your hands are like water soothing on my skin
there are days i hide from you and that’s how i prove i love myself
but most nights i find i cant resist
most nights i find you in between my thighs moaning from a place of torn convictions and shredded dignities
where there is only a veil between love and lust
maybe my heart fell out of my chest and is lodged between my hips and your lips
being with you is bruising and im constantly plunging off this cliff
but your mouth is so tender filled with ache and need and sweet words and cheap thrills
and laced with intimacy
you heal me
in this ungodly way
you are my healer my salvation
i am wounded inside
and your body is my morphine i give in to you wholeheartedly
but before even morning comes you are gone
and i am lying alone with only your scent and a heart filled with guilt
and regret and promises i know i will break when i see you again
and i wonder if this is punishment enough…
but you were not made for me
a cruel joke
Dude I am so sorry.
You are the first ever ‘celebrity’ I have ever hated on.
And I don’t even know why I hated you.
I guess I was just a crowd follower.
I don’t even know you, man.
Like what’s the deal with that shit?
And I know it’s probably something you get a lot
And I feel for you.
But I am truly sorry.
For all the times I sneered whenever your name or face popped up.
For all the times I laughed in glee whenever you made a mistake.
For all the bullshit I tweeted about you…
no one deserves that shit.
So I apologise, Mr Cooper.
You are a legit trooper.
You will probably never ever see this but I needed to put it out there.
Because I feel bad.
I hope that you will always find happiness and joy in what you love doing
despite all the negativity that comes your way.