letter to my 19 year old shy and introverted self

hey lovely

so you have a crush? Lol and it’s killing you from the inside out. I mean, what’s the difference between this guy and every other weirdo you’ve fallen in lust with? I know it sucks babe. It sucks the fricking air out your lungs. And I know you tried so hard not to let this guy get to you. Cause he was one of the ones you always kind of thought was cute. but who cares about cute? There are worlds to be seen.

But then you spent more time around him and you noticed little tings. You know them little tings. The way he smiles. What his voice sounds like. How he walks. How he says your name. How he sits. It’s enough to make any sane person go bloody nuts. And then it’s also the little tings you notice when he’s near you. Or more likely, the delusion that he might also have a ting for you. And every little coincidence seems like fucking fate. But it’s not darling. You have to stop imagining him. You have to stop imagining this weird life with him that you’ve dreamed up while trying to write these countless assignments. I mean for crying out loud, you’ve probably only had two conversations with him. And yeah he’s funny as hell. But like joey said… “THEN LAUGH”. So just laugh and move the fuck on. We got to try. We don’t need anymore distractions and dying of feels this year.

But girl. Girl. Listen. Girl. You will find someone who loves you. Unconditionally. And I know your loins and your chest love to bump and grind at the thought of mr skinny legs holding you, loving you, touching you, smiling at you and being your personal court jester. You gotta stop the delusions and just be. Be here now my wonderful self! You are loved already. You need to spare yourself this strife. Spare this unneeded drama. And quit lying to yourself. If he liked you, wouldn’t he have told you by now? If he liked you, wouldn’t he have shown it by now? And directly lol.

Girl, you don’t deserve this. You deserve something real and something concrete. And I know its scary because even though you are wildly introverted, you don’t wanna be alone in the world… and maybe you wont find someone. And its sucks. But maybe, just maybe that’s not where your story is. But so what? Be happy. If you are not happy, do something about it. And if you think being happy means being with someone then you gotta work on your intimacy and flirting skills cause girl you as stiff as a bamboo stick wen it comes to love hahaha. But that’s you. And maybe there is someone out there who will get that. But until then, do yourself a favour and love yourself. Love your body. Take care of you. Focus on school. On your job. Stand up for what you believe in. be courageous. Go on an adventure and live. Have faith, and let whatever happens happen, and let whatever may be, be and change what needs to be changed and love, love passionately and unashamedly.

p.s don’t give these randoms power over your emotions. Don’t let these feelings govern your life, baby girl!

p.s.s stop being so staunch missy, don’t be so stubborn! I know we love to feel good, but let the leaves fall where they may and don’t lie yourself into believing that he likes you. Cause he doesn’t like you that way. Okay. It’s okay. It really is. It’s really just fine, maan. He don’t like you. Lol, it’s okay, beautiful. It is fucking alright. Cause no matter what happens with these feelings that overtake you, the sun is still gonna shine. The rain still gonna rain. The grass still gonna grass. And you will move on. And you will keep finding something to love. And you will keep finding things to fall in love with. And then you will hurt. And then you will take a deep breath. And then you will live. Again.

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