sorry

there are days all i do is berate myself
tease my skin with knives
and let people tell me what i cannot do
there are days i will stare at myself in the mirror
and curse and pick at all my flaws
wish i were smarter
wish i were more organised
wish my hair were thicker
my hips wider
my arms thinner
wish i were more motivated
wish i were more like other girls
wish i loved myself
wish i were happier

some days it’s hard to keep my head above water
i find myself struggling with
loving myself
and hating the way i am
im so tired
of this constant internal war

this morning i woke up
i looked in the mirror
and i saw a sad lonely girl
this beautiful strong woman
who has survived and lived
after every goddanged thought
that she could not make it through another day

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