ashes

yesterday after lunch i thought
“wow. i havent thought about you since I woke up”
which made me think of you again
sometimes i hate myself

i still have some of your clothes
and sometimes i listen to your favourite songs
i dont know why i do
but i cant have you owning music
i dont want to feel you when i walk past our favourite places
i dont want to see your face when i think of our favourite things
maybe we have to experience this pain to be free
my god do i want to be free

i wrote a list of all the reasons why iĀ loved you
and after writing it i cried for a long time
so i wrote a list of reasons of why i love myself
and it made me cry even more
i wrote a list of all “our” things
and i decided that i would give it back to the world

but most of the time i cry
and when im not crying i feel like crying
last week i burned the journal i had when i was with you
i thought it would help
as the paper curled and blackened in the flames
i promised myself this would be my last letter to you

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s