Dear God

I’m trying hard to hold onto You
But how do I hold onto something that is not there?
There was once a time all I had was You.
You came to me like a cool breeze in the humidity…
You sheltered me when mountains of clouds threatened to fall,
You held me in the deepest and darkest corners of my mind..
Where nothing but monsters lay awake
creeping and knocking.
Yet now I am ahead of myself,
For want of you I need no more
And a war wages within…
To be or not to be.
That is the question.
For you and I were once as inseparable
as a piece of wood and a latch that makes a door.
You were my latch
Yet for all the doors in the world,
you would not find one like me.
Nor will there ever be a latch that would make me as much of a door that you did.
For in my doubt I lost sight of your use to me,
And mine to your master plan.
For where evil lurked I found you nowhere to be seen
And anger builds up that you must deem unnecessary
Your lack of presence unsettled me
And I let it
For you were not there to steady my rocking chair
And off I swayed into the deep..
clinging for a moment,
waiting…watching for You.
And whether You were there or not,
I still don’t know.
How could you expect me to save myself
When all I ever knew of saving was from You?
Yet I did save myself
And now I find myself in a desolate land
That you yourself created
And all you have said to me is
“Well, well, well”

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2 thoughts on “Dear God

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