Lust or Something Like It

I’ve always thought of myself as an entity. A product that comes with no complimentary gifts. A lone wolf. Or something romantic like that. I have never really liked guys (or girls) in any sort of way, most people that have come through my life no matter how long they stayed would always become nothing more than a blurred face on a bus later. Maybe. I remember seeing Sheldon Cooper (Big Bang Theory) and I was like, maan, this guy gets me… That is until they shipped him off with Amy and then I didn’t like him as much. I think I have only really ever had 2 real crushes in my life. The first was this guy named J.K in 5th grade. I asked him out but he liked my best friend. It’s okay cause then it turned out his best friend liked me but then I was shipped off to Samoa so nothing ever came of it. My second real crush was almost 9 years later. I worked with him and we were the only two brown people in the whole department. Hell, I didn’t even have any feelings for him at all until a few months after we worked together. It was so weird, the way these emotions kind of hit you. I tried so hard to stop the feelings from solidifying, but you know, the heart wants what the heart wants, haha. So here I was, a more dumb version of a girl version of Sheldon Cooper, with all these new feelings and I didn’t know what to do with them. The only reason I’m bringing this up, is because I found a poem I had written at the time and I thought I would share it so we could have an awkward laugh together. On second thought, they really shouldn’t let me leave the house right? Anyways, I guess you could say I am a pretty passionate person…

You make me feel like a raw emotion
I am hatred and love
twisted and torn into a rope
I would wear you like a fucking crown
proudly, painfully
so beautiful, yet so weighty
Never have i felt this way before
I can’t even begin to describe how you really make me feel
I feel like shit
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world
I hate you then i love you
I love you then i hate you
I want to kill you in your sleep
I want to cater to your every need
Make you feel like the luckiest guy in the world
Treat you like the asshole you are
I can’t even remember falling for you
What is life?
Just kill me already
I don’t wanna live life without you
But I’d rather live in a world without you
You are a paradox
My paradox
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